Fake It
by Beautiful Cerberus
Summary: Hope Estheim's diabolical mission aimed at doing anything to get close to Snow Villiers is FINALLY called into action in Palumpolum when Snow is forced to carry the 'unconscious' Hope to safety! Will his sneaky homoerotic plan succeed? R&R!


**Title: **Fake It**  
Summary: **Hope Estheim's diabolical mission aimed at doing anything to get close to the strapping Snow Villiers is FINALLY called into action when a bomb detonates in Palumpolum and Snow is forced to carry Hope to safety when he is rendered 'unconscious'! Will the youth's sneaky homoerotic plan work its way to success? Or will Snow bring his head out of his heroic wanna-be clouds and realize that he's being fooled? We shall see...**  
Pairing:** Hope/Snow** - **a bit of light humor/fun-poking. Fair warning, Hope is slightly OOC!**  
Rating: **T, just to be safe ;)**  
Notes: **Okay, so there's a little back story behind this: My sister was playing through random files in FF13 when she comes across the one where Snow has to carry Hope because he's practically almost dead after that huge explosion in Palumpolum. She and I are giggling like little nerdy fangirls at Snow's big head (don't get me wrong, I luuuuv me some Snow), and when he picks Hope up I screamed, "HE'S FAKING IT!" So she came up with the idea of the title for a fanfic, and I pretty much took it and ran with it. So half of the credit for this fic goes to DeathsGreenEyedAngel :DDD Enjoy.

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Ugh...what just _happened?_

I can't even remember a day where I've felt nearly this shitty. My legs are pulsing with coarse bumps and bruises, and my arms feel virtually drained out of any strength they had - great, another excuse for the others to refer to me as 'squirt' or 'little one'. Fuck. I've really done it this time. All I remember is raising Lightning's knife over my head, ready to slaughter that big stupid _beautiful _man hanging off the edge before me, Mr. Snow Villiers. What a shitty plan! _He_ probably did this, a response of retaliation. Had some trickery up his sleeve - some witchery.

Hell, what was I even thinking? Trying to kill that bear was a mistake waiting to happen. Way to go, Hope.

I opened my eyes slowly, realizing that I was on the ground in some dark alleyway, still in my homeland of Palumpolum. My head was throbbing almost uncontrollably, and I definitely couldn't muster up the strength to summon Cure - even better. _Damnit. _I blinked rapidly, trying to get my stupid hair out of my eyes. Breaths were hard to come by. I could even tell that my Skycutter boomerang was no longer in my holster; it was probably rusting somewhere in a soiled puddle - once again, way to go, Hope.

Since I couldn't stand, I let my eyes briefly scan the perimeter. Judging by the light of the sun, it was probably late afternoon by now. The air was still warm with activity, the humidity making my eyes water. I was surrounded by tall buildings, scattered bits of multi-colored airship armor, Snow, bits and pieces of tra - _Snow?_ So this whole situation WASN'T his fault. Maybe it really was an outside force - or he's just a sneaky mutt. Pfff, look at him. Lying there all dead looking...right in a puddle, too - HAH! Can't wait until he wakes up so I can see the big wet spot on his back. At least I'll get some gratification out of that. I wonder how hard he hit the ground. He looks so big from here! Oh, wow, his shirt's open a little. I think I see him breathi -

SHIT, he's alive! I don't want him to see me. Or see me alive, that is. Make him feel bad. Maybe even get him to cry a little, _ohhh, _how sweet would that be? Oh crap, he's getting up. God, I envy those big beefy legs. Remember, Hope: don't let him know you're alive. Torment him for his witchcraft. I closed my eyes and rolled back onto my side, giggling like a child inside.

I heard him continue to shuffle, then gasp. "Hope?" he said. Hah - there's worry in his voice...I _like _that.

Suddenly, his heavy footsteps crashed limply on the ground, making the ground vibrate against my skin. From the way it sounded, his leg was hurt pretty badly. Even so, I know exactly what his next motives are going to be. He'll throw back his head, yell something along the lines of "Looks like YOU need a Hero!", and collect me in his arms, whisking me away to safety like a long-haired princess from a fairy tale. Damn...the Gods really _are_ watching over me today!

Just like that, before I could pull my thoughts together, Snow was grunting like a barbarian, stooping forward and straining himself to grab me with gloved hands. I held my breath and giggles inside as he pulled me up onto his broad back; I hung there like a rag doll, trying to make my performance real. He struggled violently, falling to his knee a couple times and catching his breath. The muscles of his back churned with every move beneath my chest, and it was hard not to chuckle. Here I was on top of Snow, too small to try and make any sort of move on him. It could never be this way; the biggest _had _to be on top.

Shit. We're moving.

Snow grunted and groaned with every step. I opened one eye, keeping my head stationed on his right shoulder, and saw him heading in the direction of the sun. Where's he _going? _Maybe he's gonna take me into a more secluded area and have his way with me. Nah, he's too hellbent on being a Hero; he's gonna try and get my ass outta this trench, first. _God, _he's going slow...Maybe I should kick him in the leg. Hah. No matter how amusing the image was, I have to keep the plan going. We're almost to the street, anyway.

My automobile suddenly turned towards the side of a building, where I could see a ladder. Is he _serious_? Is he really gonna try carrying me up this ladder with a bum leg? Wow, what an idiot. He was obviously one of the beauties with no brains kind of people. Meh, it's really his problem, not mine. He wants to be a Hero rather than stay on solid ground, I guess I'm all for it. More time with him for me!

_SHIT_, what's he doing?

I slam my eyes shut before he reaches up and pulls me off his back by my right hand. I nearly fall to the ground before he catches me - _damn_, his left arm's good - and he starts pulling me every which way. He grunts and struggles as he kneels and picks me up.

_OH GOD, _he elbowed me right in the liver.

His hands are rough, trying to get the job done. Trying to keep my composure when he was making all these noises and touching me so violently was nearly impossible to do - with a roll of joy I realized that I was getting hard...Hopefully he won't notice. I'm trying to keep from gasping for air as he pushes and prods at my poor, aching stomach. My head spins as he finally slings me over his shoulder, breathing almost uncontrollably. Good - I'm tiring him out. If I can't do so in bed, at least I'm getting the chance to do it now!

Snow grips on the handlebars of the ladder and begins to step up with his right foot. When I think it safe, I open my eyes. I peer around, watching the ground below me slip farther and farther away. But then, must to my diabolical joy, I see that I am face-to-face with Snow's hard, beautiful ass. I can make out the shape of it even underneath his big coat; I've got the strong urge to lift up my hands and slap. The thought made me wanna giggle. Just to be a daring ass, I slowly lifted up my hands and brought them down just before they made contact with his body. My head was swimming with blood and laughter. Maybe I'll bite him. Before I could stop myself, I make the fatal error of laughing out loud.

Snow suddenly stopped on the ladder. I go limp again, closing my eyes and dropping my weight. I feel his eyes lift over his shoulder and gaze at my face. Come on, Hope, don't fuck this up! You've messed up on too many things already - this plan is actually working out! With a grunt, Snow turned away and continued to make his way up the ladder. Hehe_heee._

I'm so proud of myself. Here I am, draped over the body of the man I adored, in close contact with his untouched bottom, on top of the world...or rather, a building. He'll expect me to wake up sooner or later; what should I say? It'll probably take everything I have to keep from laughing, or shouting, "I got close to your buuuutt!" Meh, I'll figure it out when we get there. Snow heaved and heaved his way up the rungs until at last, I could feel the sunlight on my face. With a jolting groan, Snow hurled me to the ground, falling flat on his back beside me.

Welp, we're finally done. Time to break the ice, I guess. I wait a few seconds, listening to the sounds of Snow's breathing, before I open my eyes, hold my still aching head, and groan with pain.

"Ughhh...Snow? What just _happened?_"


End file.
